10 Random Pub Quotes – The good, the angry, and the wanna-be sexy..


1. “I’ve loved legal briefs since I was a child!” –  Kipped an old man that looked vaguely like Jeremy Clarkson would on Christmas morning. …Wow, he must age had a fun childhood!

and then when the drinks arrived..

2. “Ah, so you know there were two nuns.. They were told a blind guy would come to service them. They were expecting him to be visually impaired.
They eagerly anticipated his arrival and got excited what he would be like in bed. Days went by and they got more and more curious about this blind man coming to service them.
The day came, he walked in, changed their blinds, and left… HA HA”

3. “You’re fired.” – I have no clue who was firing who at this point. I just heard a very Sir Allan Sugar type voice and turned around to see some old men casually chatting over beers.

… Someone said this to me in response to my positive comments on Keira Knightly’s acting:

4. “Nooo! Don’t like Keira Knightly! She’s a poor man’s Titanic!” – This was at the Phoenix Arts Club, a place meant to generate support for the acting community!

And I have heard quite a few wanna-be-sexy conversations at pubs that in many ways I wish I hadn’t:

5. Girl: “Yup, he was good in bed.”
Guy: “Ergh… Out of curiosity,  what makes a guy good in bed from a girl’s point of view?”
Girl: “Orgasm.”
Guy: “Oh, right!”

… Back to the awkward work related pub chat:

6. “False loyalty is something difficult to fall back on at this stage mate!” – And he walked out.

7. “Don’t you ever say that stupid bitch%^{‘s name around me again.” -A random douche spat a bit as he said it, and then stormed off leaving most of the bar confused senseless.

8. “Excuse me, what’s better, gin and tonic or gin and elderwater flower? I’ve never had gin before and I really wanna taste it..” – An incredibly camp man to an incredibly frustrated, inpatient Scottish barman.

.. Must not forget the barristers providing a personal favorite..

9. “I’m falling out with judges at a rate of knot!”

And finally.. I had to look up from my book in disbelief as I heard a young man say to his girlfriend:

10. “If I give you 50 pents can you get the next round? I owe the bar 40 quid.” – Tell me where has this man has gone, so I can wed him!


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