Arrrggghh - sick, sick, sick. In fact I think this is the sickest I have been in a very long time. First there is the horrible feeling that your life is running away with you while you loiter palely in your sick bed. There is a mountain of emails and a beeping mobile coupled with a bedside collection of Lemsip stained mugs. In fact the very best bit about being poorly is that first morning when you wake up and you ACTUALLY feel better…
You know it is time to head back to work when:
- Daytime TV drives you insane.
- Having a shower and washing your hair is once-again lovely without zapping all your energy and leaving you having to go and lie down for four hours.
- Food tastes nice and yummy – not like chewing the Yellow Pages.
- You can breathe!
- You get strange cravings. Probably like a pregnant woman would.
- You can sit/stand up without a pounding head or without finding yourself mumbling random expletives of choice.
-Using the kitchen and cooking is no longer a serious liability that requires child locks and adult supervision.
- Taking yourself for a walk around the block is now a reasonably pleasant activity, and doesn’t leave you feeling like you have run the London Marathon.
- All effects of hot flashes, disorientation, and/or paracetamol infused delusion have been replaced with the desire to go out and dance.
-You realise that hot toddies may not be so effective after all.
-You find your schedule is becoming impossibly filled up again with activities, work, and engagements. The degree to which you find your schedule unmanageable is dependent on how long you were off ill.
- Weird celebrity crushes: as you cease to watch TV you normally wouldn’t, you may notice a change of heart in celebrity crushes. People like Richard Hammond, Simon Cowell, and even David Cameron are no longer considered so strangely attractive as you come to your senses. I wouldn’t know much about this personally, but I’ve heard it can happen.
Warning: Apparently some women actually keep these strange crushes for life… According to Cosmo… http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/_mobile/love-sex/weird-celebrity-crushes-93359
- You can once again wear four inch heels without falling over or crying or both. You also have somewhere to wear them to now.
- You stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you are single and ill, this could be a bit like not having a date on Valentine’s day.
- You no longer hold shares in Kleenex and Strepsils and have signed all agreements to that effect.
- There’s no guarantee that you will look any better or even stop coughing, but your face should be at least a gradient or two less pale.